Woodstock, New York: an Unique Destination

     Woodstock is a time capsule of a place locked in its loop by its own iconisism. Its not as though nothing has changed, but everything that HAS changed, hadn't done much to affect the overall feel of the village as a whole.
      Half of the people you meet here are mind torn kiosks, with stories of a hipper time on repeat for anyone who'll care to listen. You want to hear about rock stars? Hear it from those who's psyched are so far gone that the same thing that makes them unreliable sources also serves as a proven credential, after all, no one who lived it and remembers could possibly be ALL there....
     And yet, not all of them are crazies, and there are many lucid accounts of historical events. Unwritten books in the bible of a subculture.
     Being here as a hippie is strange in that you're an unsigned attraction. An anticipated anomaly in this, of all towns, complere with bare feet and bells. This is a town built and run by art, and at its heart beats the subculture strong as ever.

How Had I Forgotten?

     The road is not always the kindest of mistresses. Sometimes she's a cold hearted lying cheat. For the most part, however, it is at her breast where I find my home. My peace is here, where anything can happen. There is a limitlessness to this ocean of people.
     I'm forever asked where I'm going, with little more than a shrug for an honest answer, "onward." Where am I going? The man with the plan is the only one with a clue. He's driving this ship, in just along for the ride. You want answers, that's who you gotta ask. I'm not pressing for answers much these days. I'm perfectly content to live on faith. Its just who I am when I'm traveling.
     How had I forgotten? Note to self: Never again remove yourself so fully from who you know you are.

Another Turn of the Wheel

     As I circle around the sun, my learning comes in spiral layers, venturing ever deeper as does my understanding. Lessons from long ago resurface, to be reapplied in new ways. I'm given new uses for old tools....
      Being on the road reminds me of why my soul suffered so while I lived inside, shut away from the world. I crave adventure, and excitement, while simultaneously having an overwhelming need for stability. Maybe I need my own bus, full of art supplies. But I KNOW I need balance. And honesty with myself in order to find and maintain such a thing.
      I'm still not sure what it is that makes me happy. I've visited that place, but I'm not sure I've ever lived there, although I've convinced myself otherwise many times.... How do I define what happiness is? What constitutes such a thing? I need to be part of my community. I need to serve an active role for the benefit of others. I need to have a livelihood to the benefit of myself so I'm not a drain. I need excitement, adventure, and stability.... Highly conflicting things, it would appear. I need a lot more music. To create. To love. To dance. To be free of abuse. I need room to grow. And I want to come home more than to have one. I'll figure it out. If I learn to know myself, I'll recognize the answer when it comes.
    And although I rarely speak of it, I want to serve God in whatever ways I'm called to. But more and more, when I hear the calling, I'm just called to be myself. To forgive myself for what I am, because its what I'm meant to be. To allow myself to be moved to action for His will.  I believe in many things, that can be defined in many ways..... I am a child of the universe.....
       How are we walking each other home when none of us know the way? Pretty amazing, I think. Just follow your feet and trust your faith.

Self Actualizing

     Maybe I've played too much dungeons and dragons, but hey, it builds character! Time and time again I find myself exhibiting the qualities I once only could maintain while in character. Who I dreamt of being. A subconscious representation of my innermost desires for my own growth as a being. And more often than not, when passing my reflection, the image I see is somehow ever closer to my drawings as an impressionable youth....
     She was so much more captivating, and interesting, and powerful, than I could have ever hoped to be. Weilding high level magic without so much as the flick of an eyelash. Slaying the largest of heinous beasts in one hit, accidentally robbing my party of the shared experience of the kill...oops?
      And here I stand! Having defeated more demons than I ever knew I had. Having walked through some dark places only to find and unlock so many treasures I can't carry them all. I've realized we are all magic, and eyelashes? Can become wishes with the slightest breath (which, by the way, are ninth level spells. Requiring a minimal caster level of 18, excuding shooting stars, eyelashes, dandelions, djinnis, and faeries.) And I am learning to a wield my own.
    I've traveled my homelands my entire adult life. I've pulled out the epic level guide. I've cross classed like hell, and I've come out stronger and more capable in the end. I've learned to trust in my mind, heart, body and soul.  I think she would be proud, too, if she were as sentient as the staff she carried was....

    I am an adventurer. And I trained for this in high school above all else.

   

On the road again, store and all

     It's nothing new. It's nothing I haven't done, traveling. But now, balancing my store from the road is an additional element, and that is very, VERY new. We shall soon see how well I walk the narrow slack line life has set before me.
     Life sometimes feels lonely, but in truth, I know ill never be alone. Amazing people surround me as soon as the wrong ones are removed from my life. While I may at times experience homelessness, I've just got too many places to go. Angels are real but they're just regular folks walking around. Unfortunately some folks seem utterly demonic at times too. I thought I could be safe in a house. But it wasn't a home.
     It's never time for giving up but sometimes it IS time for trying something new.
     Will I ever put down roots? Tune out next time for more of this adventure. Pictured: selfie, backpack, my entire store in two bins and two boxes, my window views in the short bus.

A Place To Hide

     Lately I've been making a lot of masks and goggles and asking myself why I'm drawn to these particular objects. The answer? Sometimes we just need somewhere to go.
     In the middle of a crowded festival, or event, it can be difficult to find such a place. These accessories give some respite from this overwhelming element. No matter where you are, you've got a safe place to retreat. Some of them protect your lungs and eyes, but mostly, they protect your mind. They're the introvert's home disguised as the extrovert's style.

Scared Crapless

     To be perfectly honest, I'm terrified. I've never known what success was. It's a rocky road and I'm still not sure I'll ever know. My work is enjoyed, which is a comfort. But I still haven't managed to churn out a steady income from the store. In scared I won't learn the necessary skills in time to save it. I'm far from giving up, but I'm just not sure what to try next.
     So I'll just keep working at it. Until I'm out of everything to work with. I'll keep plugging away, and if it doesn't work? Oh well, I guess. But I can't let that fear cripple me. I can't let myself stay overwhelmed. I've got to keep my head as high up as I can, and just keep moving forward.
     This is a skill I acquired from the road. The ability to keep my head forward, and just keep on going. You never know what's around the next bend, or over the next hill. I'm scared. But I'm moving forward.