When You're Angry With Christians (And You Have Every Right To Be)

    First off, I find it necessary to note, that I AM a believer. However....
   
    After the first time I got exorcised, I became angry with God. Very angry. with all we had gone through in our relationship, I couldn't believe this was happening. Here I was, in His house, being called a thief, and a prostitute, by His people. After I had kept Him so close, for so long, in the darkest of places? I felt a sense of utter betrayal.
    By the SECOND time i got exorcised, I was beyond livid! There was no way any God that knew me would say any of these things to these people! "We exorcise the demon of theft out of this young woman!" "we exorcise the demon of prostitution out of this young woman!" It hurt. There is no ego wounded so badly as in the case of such a God smack.
     I was none of what the church kept accusing me of. Those churches did not know me. I was new there, or a random passerby. The THIRD time someone attempted to pull me into an exorcism, I was hip to the jive, and did not allow it. He thought it would cure my schizophrenia....
     This was the final straw, and what would inevitably lead me to conclude that God, Himself, did none of this. God did not tell His people bad things about me. They were just zealots, hopped up on a good book and maybe a little too much free will. What God HAD done, was created me. he created me, and schizophrenia and he gave that to me as a gift I would only begin to unwrap at exactly that point in my life. If I weren't meant to be, I wouldn't, and i cannot allow some misguided church people lead me to believe otherwise. Not even for a moment.
    Fast forward to the present day. It's been several years since anyone had any plans to vacate demons from my body. And it's gotten to the point where, God and I? Back to being homies. The church? Well, it can pretty much leave me alone. After lighting some of my ancestors on fire for being herbalists and midwives, I should have known it wouldn't be all that much better in the modern age.
     If you happen to be christian, please understand, I'm probably not angry with you, so much as the institutions you may uphold. I'm maybe a little disgusted. People leave catholic schools hating God, and it takes a special kind of evil to get someone to hate Him. I still pray, but I don't want to pray with anyone else. And so I only find fellowship occasionally. I avoid services. I avoid groups of Christians.
     As Christians, I think this is symbolic of unattended responsibilities to learn to accept those with mental illness as His creation. We see a "problem" and we want God to solve it for us. But, what if God saw a different problem first, and this thing we don't want to see for the challenge that it is, IS the solution to that problem?  What if we are flaking on God when we ask Him to do away with our tests?
     If you're angry with Christianity, I totally get it. The list of crimes keeps being added to. Crusades, Spanish Inquisition, Witch Hunts, Genocide.....
     If you Are a Christian, I sort of get that, too. Maybe they've never exorcised you, you like not feeling cast out. The moment you're the one they start throwing stones at, things tend to change. Please do not allow your groups to continue this madness. IT IS OK to defy the church. Jesus chased people with a whip in one. IT IS OK to call out your fellowship when something is not right. And it may just be your test.

Returning to the Light